‘Stupid!’

A 6-letters word I wish i can take back. it had been already said, well heard with a sharp and loud intonation to express my rage, but i dont know if i am relieved or feel guilty. it just bursting out from my slap-deserved mouth, like a quick feedback to warn people im about to explode. Mocking me like a childish naive person who dont know anything, dont you know that it was hurtful?


I know that i shouldn’t interfered in ur business at the first place. U always say u can manage it but eventually, u will failed. The way u’re thinking was like a same linear pattern. It was just a matter of time that u will realize it. But im afraid it might be too late so i guess maybe i can help, eventhough u keep turning me down. My intention was pure, i wanted to help. Is it too much to accept that sometimes we do need help, that we are not perfect? Am i being so freaking annoying, but whatever it is, we r still related.


I keep my eyes on, observing the subtle changes from your body languages, facial impressions and moods. I can tell everytime i tried to open my mouth, u will shut it off right away. I have right to speak, to channel any problem solving method that i know of. But as expected, my opinion doesnt matter. U tend to change the subject when im trying really hard to participate.


Plan your work, and work your plan. Any problem can be tackle using this phrase. However, u tend to give up even u haven’t started it yet. And u have this belief, that u will say to urself ‘dont worry, everything’s gonna be fine’. No it is not. Be rational. Just because u got luck in the past doesnt mean u gonna get it this time.


Cant u see it? R u halfly blinded? U will never go anywhere if the attitude persist. U will still be there. Even worse u might go backwards. Is that what u want?


There are a lot, inside of me, which i am not proud of. U’ve known me very well, put in trust that i can change. I really appreciate it coz whenever i feel down i know which shoulder i can lie on. But why r u betraying urself, as if u didnt know that i’ll be at ur side no matter what? Do u think that i am not strong enought to back u up whenever u encounter hardtime? Or i will make fun of u when u cant solve a problem?


I am a big boy now, or a better label, a man. I can stand at my own feet, despite a kid personality exteriorly, try me. Put me in desert, throw me in ocean, send me to northpole, i’ll give u my word, that i’ll survive regardless. I am tough, i am a warrior, a fighter. Stop treating me like a schoolboy, that i need to be spoonfeed almost everything.


i have to do something. This must not go on. Or else i might lose u. That was the last thing i can think of. Everytime i am mad at u, i will reminisce the old sweet memory u equipped me with. Hating u is so impossible, because the bond existed was too strong. I can affirm u’ll always have a space inside my heart, at least.


Sorry seems to be the hardest word. I guess that is truth. Especially when u dont think its ur fault. That somebody elses were to be blame. But u have to make it right this time. Learn to let thing go and gain self-respect. forgive urself for whatever flaw u made and only then, u can start learn to say ‘I AM SORRY’ to others.