nobody is perfect. i am nobody.

Monday, 16 July 2012

i wish i never know YOU~

         Someone asked me, if u can turn back time what will u do? That’s a simple question but it had led my brain haywired, with all the possible answers. After a while, i came up with an answer , that i whispered softly in a little space  of my  heart, that  ‘i wish i never know YOU’.

         Thats a terrible answer, no doubt. It is the only way or  i will never forgive myself, coz i know i am the reason you suffering from love. I hope it’s helpful to tell you, im suffering too, maybe even more than you do.  sacrificing our friendship is never worth it, but we both agree its the best solution, at least, for now.

          I want you to know that you  are never stupid when loving someone. It’s a noble gift god gave to u, that ur heart is capable of love.   However, when we love someone does not mean we’ll always get them. Sometimes, it is enough to see  their happiness, regardless whoever share it with..

          Please stop blaming yourself, never consider it as a sin.  Truth hurts, but you have to let go.. u should know that i never plan this thing to happen, it just came.. honestly, i am truly blessed to have someone  care for me .. i am the one to be blamed, punished, suffered, not YOU...

          We both know  it’ll never be the same, me and you.  it is almost impossible to resume the friendship we had, although deep down i believe one day it will restored. I treasure all the bittersweet moment we spend together,  and promise that it will never be forgotten.  

          I wanted to apologize for how bad i had treated you. sincerely my intention was pure, i want you to move on..there’s plenty other choices out there, someone special that actually appreciate ur endless love... i am with another person, and i know u aware of it. I really love her, we are happy together. i didnt ask u to stay away from our life, but u deserve someone better.

          As time flies by, i hope it took all the pain u suffered away. i wish you the best. If only i had met u first, this story might end up differently. Maybe, only god knows, that  in another life, we are meant for each other...

Thursday, 29 December 2011

Twenty Eleven

2011 is coming to an end. it has been a partially blissful year, full of sweet & bitter memories, easy & hard time.   these are some moment that design my life path throughout the year.

Early 2011 started pretty well where i propose someone to be my gf and she accepted it ;p

we love, we fight, we love ;-)

followed by best Valentine present ever, a niece :-)

da uda, nk dukung? lol

tapi langit tidak selalunya cerah hmmm. next, an incident that has a real  big impact of my life. it was the day i failed proceed year. god knows how i feel like, it takes a long time to get it over with and i have to admit it still hurts nowadays. but we all learn from mistakes. just let bygone be bygone. we cant change history, and essentially, we dont want to repeat the same mistake, do we? 

April-May     i decided to occupy my 2 months holiday doing part time job. i make new friends at jonker walk kopitiam. the experienced i gained here was priceless. i miss working very much.

zul( the chef), zuls' gf, budak baru, ain(super friendly)

June-present --->  i resume hectic life as a 3rd year medical student, again. i had a big advantage coz ive been thru it before. but we never know for sure what may happen, so i've just realized to be more serious and do not take things for granted. 

September- my 1st bro got married to his other half, kak fiza ;p 

welcome to our family, 'mak tam' lol

December. my lovely grandmother from my father side passed away. may she rest in peace, InsyaAllah.

funeral stick us together. how ironic? 

 well these various event sums up how 2011 went by. thanks for the memories and im gonna miss u a lot 2011! 

Sunday, 11 December 2011


this is real me. no editting. T___T

It has been a long time since the last time i wrote here. The whole week I’ve been occupied with a lot of assignment, ward round, presentation, meeting, surgery, clinic etc note: if u know me well, u know that I simply made it up coz most of the time I was busy meddling with other people business lol

So everyone know what is BMI or body mass index. If u don’t, please google it up, I wont waste my precious time explaining what it is, how to calculate it, or how to interpret. It is like a basic simple thing, like u know how to wash clothes using washing machine, or how to boil water using your friend’s heater. Ok ok it is not related at all lol I am indeed a good person so I’ll tell u.

According to WHO, BMI is a simple index of weight-for-height that is commonly used to classify underweight, overweight and obesity in adults. It is defined as the weight in kilograms divided by the square of the height in metres (kg/m2).

For example, an adult who weighs 70kg and whose height is 1.75m will have a BMI of 22.9. BMI = 70 kg / (1.75 m2) = 70 / 3.06 = 22.9

    Principal cut-off pointsAdditional cut-off points
         Severe thinness<16.00<16.00
         Moderate thinness16.00 - 16.9916.00 - 16.99
         Mild thinness17.00 - 18.4917.00 - 18.49
    Normal range18.50 - 24.9918.50 - 22.99
    23.00 - 24.99
         Pre-obese25.00 - 29.9925.00 - 27.49
    27.50 - 29.99
              Obese class I30.00 - 34.9930.00 - 32.49
    32.50 - 34.99
              Obese class II35.00 - 39.9935.00 - 37.49
    37.50 - 39.99
              Obese class III≥40.00≥40.00
    Source: Adapted from WHO, 1995, WHO, 2000 and WHO 2004.

Some of you might notice the info seems familiar. Damn right I just copy paste it from WHO page lol

So with the height of 182 cm and weight of 90 kg, my BMI is 27.2 which is under pre-obese group!! i almost fainted to show the people around me how shocked I am, but apparently nobody is looking or even care, so I shut the idea off. I decided to run quickly to my dormitory, lock my room, and hid under the blanket and turn the sentimental Korean song on. Whatever zzzz

A lot of things come across my mind. How am I going to consult my patient to reduce weight if I am an obese patient? My body will only be printed out in the fitness magazine as pre-model before using the product. All my fat friends who I like to tease back then will regain their self esteem after see me lol Argghhh this is not happening!!

One fine afternoon, precisely just after a bad dream of been eaten by an alligator, I came out with an idea. It’s like an intensive program to lose weight. I call it as 1-month 5-kg program. It may sounds absurd, but I know I can do it. It’s a 3 months program and it really demand high commitment plus tough mental and fit exterior. It is divided into exercise and diet routine.

Exercise routine

1)Sit up- 500 times daily
2)Push up- 250 times daily
3)Jogging- 3 km (2 round of tasik permaisuri daily)
4)Futsal(optional) - 1 hour
5)Basketball(optional) - 1 hour
6)gym training- 2 times a week
7)optional games- swimming,badminton

 Diet routine

1) do not skip meal. eat 3 times per day. breakfast, lunch and dinner.
2) control porsion of rice. Make sure it’s not bigger than the size of my fist.
3) eat less fried,oily foods like burger, nuggets, fast food especially.
4) stop drinks sweet and carbonated water. consume a lot of plain water.
5) avoid taking foods after dinner. Coz less activity at night, it will turn and stored as fat.

I was thinking fasting will also be a great idea, coz you will gain pahala, you will reduce weight and u will save money. 3 in 1 haha but when we are fasting, our sugar level will be lowered, so we becoming more weak. Thus, I will not have energy to do the exercise routine. If I force my body to go out and jogging for instance, the body will give signal to the protein to be the primary source of energy. More protein will be degraded over time and as a result I will lost muscle in me, and that is not a good thing.

I think I have said enough. I just want to make sure that I’ll walk the talk. Anything is possible in this world as long as we do it seriously. Set the mind first, and the body will follow. I hope I can become healthier me after this 3 month program.

Bye2 fats, 6 packs here i come!

this is me in 3 months lol

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

My nightmare

I always had a bad dream. That a gigantic tsunami-like wave splashing and wipe off the whole city, the volcano bursted out the lava, thousands of asteroids hitting on the earth surface, aggressively  destroyed the eco-friendly landscape where i live at. Sounds like a typical disaster u can see when watching movie 2012, but im not making story up. It happens in my dream, like seriously. Believe me! i swear! Cross heart!  Someone please trust me T__T

im telling the truth, damn it!

The end of the world. That’s the best prediction i can think of. Maybe i am capable of seeing things coming, like a psychic. yeahh right. I dont even believe in Nostradamus ‘the prophecies’, or the Mayan tribe predictions. Or worse not even have faith for some ridiculuos shaman who occasionally charged great cash but mysteriously, never become rich. Totally weird. but i do believe the version of the judgement day, as stated in the Al-Quran ;)

this is exactly what im saying :D

Back to the title, the nightmare. People use to say when u’re too afraid of something it’ll come to ur dream. Similarly, if you think about something too much, especially right before u got asleep, it’ll accompany you, slumbered the night away. Unfortunately, this is never the situation, like who will ever paranoid themselves up about doomsday, unless they are the movie producer or sell books regarding the end of the day ;p

burppp. ok this is beyond my imagination ;p

Thought of the judgement day already scared me. It had happened at least twice, as i recall. The first time was when i watched movie 2012, it’s like a wake up call for me, that the earth is no longer a safe place to live at (as if there are other places i can move to ;p). It was ok after a week or two, i’ve convinced myself up that everything is gonna be fine. Or i really hope so.

all the nightmare, thanks to u~

The next incident occured when i was riding back to KL at the PLUS highway when suddenly the cloud turns dark and rising up instantaneously. It was 11am but my surroundings was so dark, as if i travel at dusk. It occurred so fast and freaking scary with the lightning and bolts strikes alternately . i can tell a storm is coming. I was the only road user at the moment that triggers the thought of facing the doomsday alone lol and then it rains heavily. Lucky me, im still alive. Thank god.

 Just for the info, when u’re on bike, rain could be ur worst enemy. I’ve been forced to take five inferior the flyover while cursing at the other vehicles that passes by, and hoping the rain stop. It was a different situation in James Morrison ‘please dont stop the rain’ but unluckily the bikers are normally a bunch of boring old men grrr this can also be considered a nightmare ;p

i hate u rain~
i hate u more lol

Enough with doomsday. now proceed to the other dream.

The ability to control my own dream is something i desire. it is undoubtedly do-able, as evidenced by some research i’ve read somewhere  during preclinical years lol however, most of the dream is terrifying enough that i couldnt control it. which turns outà zombies racing/bet with each other to kill me, barbarian  try to cut my head off using chain saw,  prisoners shoot my body  using shotgun/machine gun or even  my biological brother had punched me several times. It’s my dream and im the loser?  Damn it.

freeze, or i'll shoot u, Mohd Faizul. grrr

Ever heard of wet dream? ;p Warning:  the next paragraph may contain inappropiate sexual material, those readers 12 and below please skip it ;)

A wet dream. This is the best part of the dream. It’s like making love with whoever u can imagine of, whatever position u comfort at, wherever places u dream in, without using protection 0_o plus  it’s not considered a sin at all ;p I bet every guys out there have at least experienced it once in ur life time. If u haven’t, then i advice u to go jump out of the 10 storey  building or go to the nearest zoo, find and feed the hungry  tigers raw meat  with ur bare hand. Yeahh u totally deserve it haha

go dream, or die fast~

Dream inside of a dream. it’s the ultimate level a dreamer can be. Have u guys watch movie Inception starred by Leonardo Da Vinci? initially some of u will nodded yes, then u will doubt, hesitate, not sure, confused, that’s it,  i cant think of any other words lol some of u will think i was referring to the wrong individual, yes you are correct, but not like im giving u prizes or speech of appreciation. I admire the people who just ignoring the name, whether they know the actor or not. Or even the movie.  well the point is, the entire paragraph has no point  ;D coz i never had this dream, and dont really care if i had it ;p if u interested u can listen to a song by Damasutra ;p

umpama mimpi dalam mimpi~

After each of horrible nightmare, i quickly type and googled it out to find the meaning. Well there are variety of opinions, according to different interpretors.  It is interesting to know that our dream might relate to our real life, majority of it but im having second thought that it may tell u the future , like u gonna get into trouble, or u will get great news.really?  I dont buy it huhu how about u?

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

moi famille

There is nothing more precious than a family. I have a very big family, there are 10 of us, consists of 6 girls and 4 boys. When people first heard about it they will be like ‘woww!’.  it’s ok. not a big deal  I got that facial expression all the time. So here let me introduce my beloved siblings ;)

sis- the prettiest

very tall, about the same height as me, maybe 1 inch shorter. Married and live in California, USA. She’s the oldest. She is my inspiration because she was the first in my family to go overseas. She loves to laugh loudly like a banshee as my grandma claimed hee she love fashion and wears fancy dress.

angah- the most discipline

the second older sister. She looks like a chinese a bit, her skin is the fairest among all of us. Height= 172 cm. She is a teacher and married. She has 3 children, and all of them are amazingly cute! She is very strict, punctual on time. she's not a person u want to mess up with coz when she’s angry she’s kinda scary hehe

alang- the most sporting

the third older sister. She is the most outgoing, friendly sister. Married and now live in JB. When a family gathering she will be the one who enlighten the house up. She’s very funny person but very emotional too. A very good cooker too. Love branded things. She’s also a good speaker and listener, she’s the best to refer to when i had a problem.

acik- the smartest

the 4th sister. Very tall, around 176 cm. She is the most brilliant in the family. She is currently a doctor and married. She lives in Cork, Ireland and had 2 superbbb cute daughters. She is very generous, when i had financial problem she will always there to support. she loves to giggle a lot, and has a soft high pitced voice where a lot of people find it adorable.

boy- the protector

the oldest brother. Just got married recently. tall, dark skinned, and very thin. Now live in JB. He’s the trouble maker at home hehe he’s very loyal but at the same time firm. He wouldn't takes no for an answer. He is the most hot-tempered and fierce-looking. he used to back me up when i involve in fight or get into trouble during old days.

ali- the joker

my second older brother. Tallest, 183 cm, im just 2 cm shorter ;p he is currently a teacher at Miri, Sarawak. He is very funny, that people like to befriends with him. He is very talented in sports, and a bit romeo ;) He love to talk with older people about politics, common issues- my youngest bro and me always make fun of him being a minister someday ;) He is very hardworking at house, my mom love when he’s at home coz he’ll do anything my mom ask unlike me =D

me- the naughtiest

hmm about me? well i dont know how to define myself. but i am pretty sure u guys know me very well already right? haha 

farah- the innocent

my younger sister. She is the most chubby haha i like to tease her back when i was still a kid. She’s very good in memorising things up, like the name of the road, our relatives birthday, the name of the current minister ;p She loves to read novel too( i guess there were hundreds of them hidden below her bed) she's a very straight forward person and low profile.

last but not least, the youngest in my family, is the special non-identical twin ;)

nina- the cutest
neni- the most charming 

Nina- my youngest sister. Very skinny, average height (167 cm). She is the strongest of all. She had to struggle fighting off leukemia, and never give up. She’s very good playing chess( up to national level), a trait that inherited from me o_0 she’s very good in handling money, and love to make up, and try on new shawl fashion. She is so afraid of dark, thunder, cockroaches etc and sleeps with my mom hahaha

Neni- my youngest brother. Tall, very thin. He lives with my grandma which located about 500 metres away from my house lol love to play basketball, another trait inherited from me 0_o he is a good singer, and has a very loud voice as if he had loudspeaker on when he speak up hehe he's also very hardworking, especially when u offer cash as rewards haha

well that's all my family members, excluding my parents that i'll make another entry just for them ;) well living with 10 people at the same house may sound crazy, like had to take turn for shower, fighting regarding which tv channel to watch and share foods when lunch and dinner, usually the last person to eat will get the little leftovers ;p but this is what define us. we will always, against all odd, have trust with one another and make sure the bond exists between us will get stronger and stronger from time to time until the last moment of breath.

Thursday, 27 October 2011


A 6-letters word I wish i can take back. it had been already said, well heard with a sharp and loud intonation to express my rage, but i dont know if i am relieved or feel guilty. it just bursting out from my slap-deserved mouth, like a quick feedback to warn people im about to explode. Mocking me like a childish naive person who dont know anything, dont you know that it was hurtful?

I know that i shouldn’t interfered in ur business at the first place. U always say u can manage it but eventually, u will failed. The way u’re thinking was like a same linear pattern. It was just a matter of time that u will realize it. But im afraid it might be too late so i guess maybe i can help, eventhough u keep turning me down. My intention was pure, i wanted to help. Is it too much to accept that sometimes we do need help, that we are not perfect? Am i being so freaking annoying, but whatever it is, we r still related.

I keep my eyes on, observing the subtle changes from your body languages, facial impressions and moods. I can tell everytime i tried to open my mouth, u will shut it off right away. I have right to speak, to channel any problem solving method that i know of. But as expected, my opinion doesnt matter. U tend to change the subject when im trying really hard to participate.

Plan your work, and work your plan. Any problem can be tackle using this phrase. However, u tend to give up even u haven’t started it yet. And u have this belief, that u will say to urself ‘dont worry, everything’s gonna be fine’. No it is not. Be rational. Just because u got luck in the past doesnt mean u gonna get it this time.

Cant u see it? R u halfly blinded? U will never go anywhere if the attitude persist. U will still be there. Even worse u might go backwards. Is that what u want?

There are a lot, inside of me, which i am not proud of. U’ve known me very well, put in trust that i can change. I really appreciate it coz whenever i feel down i know which shoulder i can lie on. But why r u betraying urself, as if u didnt know that i’ll be at ur side no matter what? Do u think that i am not strong enought to back u up whenever u encounter hardtime? Or i will make fun of u when u cant solve a problem?

I am a big boy now, or a better label, a man. I can stand at my own feet, despite a kid personality exteriorly, try me. Put me in desert, throw me in ocean, send me to northpole, i’ll give u my word, that i’ll survive regardless. I am tough, i am a warrior, a fighter. Stop treating me like a schoolboy, that i need to be spoonfeed almost everything.

i have to do something. This must not go on. Or else i might lose u. That was the last thing i can think of. Everytime i am mad at u, i will reminisce the old sweet memory u equipped me with. Hating u is so impossible, because the bond existed was too strong. I can affirm u’ll always have a space inside my heart, at least.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word. I guess that is truth. Especially when u dont think its ur fault. That somebody elses were to be blame. But u have to make it right this time. Learn to let thing go and gain self-respect. forgive urself for whatever flaw u made and only then, u can start learn to say ‘I AM SORRY’ to others.